So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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