does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
