Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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