fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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