You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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