i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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