DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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