Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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