they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
