I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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