I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
