Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I wear drunk well.
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