Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
