One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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