My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
