somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
