Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
