The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Randomize