and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
