I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
