i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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