Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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