I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
