I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
