I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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