I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
