We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
