so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
