Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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