Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
