did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Randomize