U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
