How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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