do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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