I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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