Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize