I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
