I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
