when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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