Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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