We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
