kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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