Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
