hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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