Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
