i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
