oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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