he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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