His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
