all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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