I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize