So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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