No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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