My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
