sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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