I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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