everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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