bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
