She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
