In the future we'll all be gay
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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