I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize