JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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