You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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