He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
